Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
This is really my fat blog
Today I started the VLCD on the HCG diet. I was doing very well with maintaining my weight until mid-November. This is when the man who molested my niece tried to contact her and this caused immense pain and reintroduced all that trauma for all involved again. I just started eating.
And eating.
I watched the scale go up.
I read Women, Food and God - and have to agree, when I eat compulsively, I have gone outside myself to avoid an emotion that I am feeling.
I have enormous amounts of stress - there is my mentally ill mother-in-law and her continued drama of being homeless and in psychiatric hospitals. At the moment she is in a group home, hates it, and I am sure in the next couple of days there will be more drama and bad decisions that she makes that will impact the family. My kids and I are living temporarily for 4 1/2 months in a condo knowing we will be moving, again, on August 1. We close on our house 2/25 and moved then. It is disruptive and I am very tired. My husband is out of state working and has been for 7 months. I am essentially a single parent with a 16 yr. old boy and a 9 yr. old, and it is difficult to be on call 24/7.
Some priorities - my daughter's schooling for which I am responsible. My family's spiritual routine for which I am responsible. My family's routine and stability at home, for which I am responsible. But in there I have a responsibility to myself, and I am not only allowed to do this, but ultimately is good for my other responsibilities. If I don't go to the doctor because I put everything else ahead of me, then really I could end up putting them last because if my health suffers, they will suffer.
I also feel like many around me in my life don't understand or realize the things I am dealing with, and I am frustrated by this. Honestly, they don't have to understand, it is just me wanting support and comfort. I can tell them and should tell them so I get the support I need. I can do this.
It is 7:46 am and already my mother-in-law is calling from the Group Home. . .to start the complaining . . .
And eating.
I watched the scale go up.
I read Women, Food and God - and have to agree, when I eat compulsively, I have gone outside myself to avoid an emotion that I am feeling.
I have enormous amounts of stress - there is my mentally ill mother-in-law and her continued drama of being homeless and in psychiatric hospitals. At the moment she is in a group home, hates it, and I am sure in the next couple of days there will be more drama and bad decisions that she makes that will impact the family. My kids and I are living temporarily for 4 1/2 months in a condo knowing we will be moving, again, on August 1. We close on our house 2/25 and moved then. It is disruptive and I am very tired. My husband is out of state working and has been for 7 months. I am essentially a single parent with a 16 yr. old boy and a 9 yr. old, and it is difficult to be on call 24/7.
Some priorities - my daughter's schooling for which I am responsible. My family's spiritual routine for which I am responsible. My family's routine and stability at home, for which I am responsible. But in there I have a responsibility to myself, and I am not only allowed to do this, but ultimately is good for my other responsibilities. If I don't go to the doctor because I put everything else ahead of me, then really I could end up putting them last because if my health suffers, they will suffer.
I also feel like many around me in my life don't understand or realize the things I am dealing with, and I am frustrated by this. Honestly, they don't have to understand, it is just me wanting support and comfort. I can tell them and should tell them so I get the support I need. I can do this.
It is 7:46 am and already my mother-in-law is calling from the Group Home. . .to start the complaining . . .
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